I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
