The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
