Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
