Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
