There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
