nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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