are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
