My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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