For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
