How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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