Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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