I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
