my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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