You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
