I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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