she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
