maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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