the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
