remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
