He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
