We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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