Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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