i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
