i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
