That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
