Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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