Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
