Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
