How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
