No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
