trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
