dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
