i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
