I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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