if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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