So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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