Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
