My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
50% drunk capacity currently
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
