yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
