i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
