If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
