what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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