We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have aggressive nipples.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
