I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I deserve this hangover.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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