I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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