I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
