but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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