while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
