my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
