YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
