I heard we made out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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