So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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