I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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