We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You made out with two different species that night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
