we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's blow job season.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
