Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
