"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
