Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
